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Pablo Stresscobar

Sayonara, Space Cowboy

real talk, #1

Before I begin, I must first address one indisputable fact of life, man was not created equal, regardless of however we wish to hold this as a truth. When addressing theology, one will find that thousands are born every day into beliefs that are subconsciously – or consciously – discriminated against in our modern society. Yet, it is in our different ways of life that we as a collective people will find the strength to propel our race into a new golden age. Man will benefit from difference and learn humility from tolerance, this I believe. Since the dawn of man, small quarrels to full scale global conflicts have been waged over ideologies that attempt to explain the meaning of life. One obvious example that comes to mind right off the bat are the Crusades, a series of religious wars that claimed the lives of 1.7 million people. But I digress, discussing the casualties caused by differences of people would only prove to be counterproductive to my point. When I was a young man, I met a girl who would eventually change the course of my life. It wasn’t too long into talking to her that I learned she was a Muslim. Such a concept to me was as completely alien as it was alluring; there was so much possibility to learn from this girl. As we talked more and more, I found I had fallen in love with her, and she taught me throughout the three years we had spent together that observing difference inspires a desire to bond. That searing yearning for knowledge that I gained from the encounter with the girl had spurred me to read parts of the Quran, and eventually the Jewish Torah. From these tomes, I gained knowledge and life lessons that I never could have imagined at that age. I had eventually come to the realization that it is because our own nature as human beings to want to learn from difference. Being inherently curious creatures, people aspire to learn from what is unusual. But difference inspires knowledge, and knowledge inspires growth, both on an individual basis and holistically. I believe that eventually it will dawn on us that not everyone can be right about the universe, and no one person has the right answers, no matter who claims they do. But as our ever changing world grows closer together through global connections, we learn more and more about each other as a people through our culturistic differences. The knowledge gained from each encounter is another step towards global unity. Further segregating ourselves by engulfing the planet in war over whose god is the correct god will never further ourselves as a people, but rather lead to our inevitable destruction. It is for this reason that I believe that tolerance is important, and I encourage those who are curious to act on their curiosity and learn about the world around you. You never know what you’ll find, and to me, that’s the best part of learning.

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ramblings

The smell of cigarettes hung heavy in the humid night air as music spilled from his phone speakers. The boy stumbled through the cold, damp grass as he searched for a place to put out this toxic comfort that he clung to so desperately. He tossed it on the ground and in doing so found himself caught up in his own thoughts for a moment. The young man knew these nights wouldn’t last forever, nor would his youth. Music like this set the mood right for him. He found sanctuary in the rhythm, if only for a few minutes. It served as a conduit of memories, reminding him of former lovers during summer months past. He pondered this for a moment during the intermission between songs, and then found himself drifting again to the succulent rhythm of a drum and saxophone. He had dreams that nobody knew of. These visions of the future were, at best, optimistic given his circumstances, yet he held his head high with a cheerful demeanor to match. Desperate for love, but isn’t everybody? That’s what he’d like to think, anyways. The youth sharply exhaled his negative sentiments towards the past as he shifted his thoughts to the future. He didn’t know what was to happen to him in the years to come, nobody knows. This young man in particular had become especially good with self reassurance, as it became common practice to him in order to cope with his frequent foibles. Passion seemed to be in short supply these days, yet the visions and illusions of grandeur were in abundance.

Monday

Today is just like any other day with a few minor twinges. I woke up super early today, around 4:00, and couldn’t fall back asleep so I stumbled my way into the bathroom and proceeded to shower. After shuffling into the kitchen and turning on the coffee pot, I proceeded to head back into my bedroom to finish getting dressed for the day. What I put on in the morning won’t matter by daybreak, since by then I probably wouldn’t have stuck with the same outfit. It depends but on any given day I go through at least two, out of sheer boredom or due to just a slight discomfort in feeling unclean. By 7:00, I’m out the door. I headed to Edgewood like any other day, and began my routine. It was a fairly hectic day at outpatient today, a lot of new people. I met one of the new ones previously this last Saturday at a bonfire. It makes things easier. After Edgewood I went home, ate some lunch, and finished the newest episode of Attack on Titan. After that, I got on some joggers and headed up to the gym, trained for about 2 hours then headed back home. I can’t say I miss school all that much. What responsibilities I did have at that point have gone away and have been replaced with activities to actually benefit me directly, unlike school. Now I’m sitting at my computer re-watching old episodes of Attack on Titan, thinking of my friends and girlfriend. I’ll return to them soon. For now, it’s time for reflection and restructure.

Friday

The end of the week. What better time of the week than the end of the week? I’ve spent most of my days exercising and watching HBO since I’m stuck at home for a while. Not having a phone and everything was hard at first but now I hardly even notice it. The hardest part is not being able to talk to my girlfriend and friends. I miss everyone so much but I know a break from everything is exactly what I need to get back on track. All in due time I suppose. It’s harder than it looks, but I encourage everyone just to try it. Maybe a few days, a week without contact if you can. Just focus on you and your issues for a bit, whatever you may have. I never thought it possible, but it was and has been extremely beneficial. Today has been a pretty good Friday so far, albeit not with my usual Friday habits. Tonight I’m seeing the new guardians of the galaxy movie. Pretty pumped for that. My legs are still sore from yesterday’s 2 miles + presses and various other workouts. If that’s all it takes to wear me out, I clearly have a long way to go, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. I expect to continue the regimen for as long as I see its necessary, and ill modify it as I continue. Progress and change are good things, and I think I’m doing whats rigvht for my body.

My New Life After High School

So I’ve found something more interesting than recreational botany, and it’s not what you’d typically expect from me. I’ve begun an intense exercise regimen and am cutting off all of my rather toxic habits. I feel as if this will lead me to a path of greater enlightenment than I was heading towards before. As soon as I’m 4 months in to my training, I will begin training in martial arts via a personal instructor. No, this isn’t for any particular reason, but it’s something to keep me occupied in the coming months. I’m very excited to see my results and further perfect myself. Recently I’ve been undergoing a great many changes in my life and at home, and I ask, if there are any, not to believe the rumors. Many of you may not see me at school, but I’d like you all to know I’m very much alive and well. To my seniors, I hope I’ll be able to attend the graduation ceremony, but I cannot say I definitely will. To my juniors and underclassmen, I wish you all luck on your upcoming finals if you have them and I wish you all the very best summer. My next few posts on the blog will probably just be my usual incessant ramblings to satisfy the grade requirement, but this is probably going to be my final post directed entirely as a message towards whoever bothers to read this shit. I love you all, and it’s been an honor sailing with you.

MK ULTRA

Suspicious minds bear no fruit, but instead rot far before they can even produce the simplest ideas. Paranoia and fear are the bane of creativity. Doubt in yourself can cause not only great distress for you, but those close to you as well. Do not let yourself be inhibited by your own uncertainty, but instead divert the pain of the future into your own personal endeavors. Allow fear of the things to come motivate you to do incredible things. I prefer to view the mind as a flowing river, rushing past in a current of near unstoppable force. However, rivers can be set off course, or blocked off. Fear and suspicion of your neighbor can be tremendous boulders, hindering the flow of your great river. Trust is an important asset, use it as an ally, not a foe. For many years I neglected to trust those close to me, and it has cost me a great deal. I ask of you, do not fear what is to come, but welcome it with an arsenal of your accomplishments and self confidence. Happy Monday.

Perfect Dark

The soft moonlight upon the wet grass in the lush fields is achieved at last when the sun before it sets upon a climax in the distance, far beyond rolling hills of green and yellow until finally hue gives way to black, and the cycle begins to reset itself once more. The swift tranquility billows through the leaves, rustling the branches softly as the sycamore sways above the field in which it was planted. The tree grows, but not with the consent of those who gave it life. Is there meaning in constricted growth? Such an expression is surely an oximoron, an impossible thing. Growth must remain uncharted, unchecked, unprecedented. In a world without certainty or limits, the concept of   progress is not unknown to our kind. What was at first a tangible landscape painted by my words now ends with a thought on which you should contemplate. Where do I go from here? How far will my branches go? Will I be cut down? Whether it be due to choice or unforeseen circumstances in your life, we twist and contort into whatever life molds us into. I beg you to consider to let yourself grow unrestricted by life’s dogma. 

Deep Time

As my days grow in number, the days that I have left, obviously, grow shorter. Contemplating what could have or what could be seem to take up most of my days now, what some may deem a despicable use of precious time. While my peers do their class work or socialize amongst themselves, I gaze in awe upon the celestial sphere that renews itself each suspended second, by the passing minute, every waking moment. It is a new world each time we do so much as blink. Today, I urge each and every one of you to go out and explore it, as with each tick of the clock, the world will never be the same.

Durham’s Music Taste…

…Is growing on me. He played Vampire Weekend in class today, a band I’ve heard before but hadn’t given much thought. I decided to give a few of their albums a runthrough and I think it’s made me a fan. The rest of the music he plays in class is pretty great too, stuff I’m all familiar with but it just feels like I’m not hearing it enough after he plays it. The sounds are thought promoting, so next time any of you are doing your journal assignments, I recommend you ask our teacher for playlist advice.

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